During the holiday season, it can be difficult to know how to care for yourself and family while also meeting the expectations of others. It’s a busy season of family gatherings, office parties, and kids’ activities that can come with lots of high hopes and expectations.What are Boundaries
It is important to note that boundary setting isn’t just about what’s convenient or ideal for me. Meaningful, fulfilling relationships do require sacrifice and inconveniences on our part. We won’t experience the deep connections if we’re not willing to experience any “costs” of investing in the relationship. At the same time, we cannot always show up when someone asks.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
The tank of our emotional/mental/physical/financial well-being may not be as full this holiday season as past ones. That’s ok. If those around you don’t accept that, it’s important for you to recognize this and not expect more of yourself than your tank can take you. Some responses may look like this: “The kids’ father had to work overtime last month so we’re protecting family time by doing fewer gatherings this holiday.” “I won’t be cooking my famous dish this year, but I’m looking forward to serving it next year.” “Moving the start time three hours earlier doesn’t work for us, but we can come an hour earlier than originally planned.”
It’s Okay to Say No
The author Megan LeBoutillier is known for saying “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” We’re not required to explain, defend, or convince others of our boundaries- especially when others push back. I would suggest that your first response to an invitation isn’t just “No” as an initial negative response can weaken the relationship, yet eventually “No” may be all you say.
Healthy boundaries can be a gift you give to yourself and others– enabling healthier interactions and mutual respect can help you avoid being drained by others’ demands.
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